:)

What does it all mean anyways.
What does it all fucking mean.

Where things aren't found

i might actually start blogging here more often

Own property?

Or simply claimed "first".
Who cares.
That's how it works, always has worked, and always will work.

i don't like it when people seem to claim it to be theirs

when it has obviously been inspired by someone else

and then i don't like it when they end up getting credit for it

when they obviously do not deserve it




as per usual

"who needs friends"

Perfectly satisfying life. Material, love from a significant other, care from family and friends. What more?

i think i may be having the early symptoms of depression.
No, I am not overexaggerating.
It's not like my father or mother don't have it already - stress, anxiety, what not.
I have been influenced.

No I do not want to go to a councellor 'cos I am very aware of my
little self esteem and confidence
And I know everybody has a bit of that. But it seems to be constant and persistent for me.

Odd because it's normally caused by somebody putting pressure on you.
But nobody is pressuring me. I'm pressuring myself. I'm giving myself pressure. Things to achieve, things to expect.
I am totally and fully aware that I should think positive, simply do my best, forget about the others and that as long as I do that I have already succeeded. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

BUT I CAN'T CHANGE CAN I?
WHAT IS THIS?
WHAT ELSE COULD IT BE? OTHER THAN DEPRESSION?
CONSTANTLY PUTTING MYSELF DOWN.
CONSTANTLY BEING ANGRY (no not just the regular pmsing).
and with my introspective nature, it's not a surprise.

Fucking school, fuck everything. Just fuck.

at this stage, i simply want to be a high school drop out. kill me now.

Wishes sealed in a blog

pretty peed off.
but as long as i do well in my studies and work hard, is all that matters right??
anything else is only a bit of hard work away yeah??
see vce as a job right??

:'(

defeated?
not in your wildest dream bitches!

i send my wishes to all the year 12s and best of luck! <3

WYD

A pivitol journey has taken toll on people's lives;
The pinnacle of their youth,
A life changing experience (good and bad),
Why didn't I see it coming?


Why of course I did.
And it's exhilirating, amazing, and somehow very admiring.

Is there such a thing as Copyright?

Oh, haha...so that's what you were talking about.
I know, it looks awfully familiar don't it?
Just makes it alittle harder for me to explore more explicitely my creativity within..............
which often doesn't just 'come' as often as I'd like it to.

Pity how it could feel that one has taken credit,
when people probably know they've seen such a thing before.
Hopefully, I have left my mark...

Dimensions of art and design eventually reaches a halt.
And then it is recreated, redeveloped by many many people.
Just got to remember and accept the bloody fact.

when i care too much

what if i tried to get somebody back on track?
it's not because i like to sound righteous or to be a mother or to be a smart arse, but because i know she still has the capability and mentality to be able to change in a better way.then again,

who am i to say what's good and what's not?
quite a complex matter actually.

really, i should just mind my own business, otherwise she might think i'm critisizing more than helping.or otherwise, something might backfire and i'd get offended and pissed off.

not good for neither of us huh?
sucks.
sucks to feel that you kinda lost what you used to have, not that they were a good influence newais. but it was fun sometimes, while it lasted. *shrugs* :)

I need to stop hating, wtf did they ever do to you.

It must be jealousy, pity, and shame.

Competing with mates, will ruin mates?

unless you're not selfish about it....


I can't expect to gain everything myself, when I've asked for their company, right?
I just hope she doesn't beat me to it.

Don't you hate competition.


oh what the heck.

no i still don't know when i get me braces off, cry cry

i want my braces off alreadyyyyyyyyyy, i've had them on for more than 3 yearssssssssss D: :'(

Here I sit, sit I here.

Staying home, on a cold autumn's day, with nothing but homework to do...
is driving me insane.
I'm not even doing the bloody homework.
It's too freaking cold, and all I want to do is sit in bed with my laptop, and youtube.
And, I want to stay off the floor as much as possible, because there was a cocroach in my room that I can't seem to find and kill. So now it's probably lurking behind dark corners or intertwined with cables and wires - but I don't dare look to see.
That's why I'm on my bed - and you don't tend to do much in bed.
You kind of actually need a desk and a chair to do - at least your maths homework on.

But I'm not even youtubing. Cos I know I shouldn't. And I know I shouldn't be on; mypace, blogspot, livejournal, xanga, either. But I was and I am.
The guilt and regret proceeeeeeeeeds.
So I stop.
But I do nothing.
Either way I lose.

Rofl. This is turning into a gay blog.

bad personalities are easy to catch onto

All of a sudden i've gotten more precautious of copy-cats.
I got over it ages ago, but it's starting to creep back in a g a i n n n n n n ...

Anyways, i really hate my chem and methods teacher. That teacher - being the same for both - quite unfortunately.
She teaches jackshit, and it just so happens to be two of my weakest subject. (methods i could be good at {i admit} IF i had a better teacher than this mf.)
Farrrrrrr frkn out. I swear I am very very very agrovated, angry, fustrated. Can't fkn breath. Need to breath. Need to bloody lecture this lady. Bad thing is, I only hate her for her teaching methods. Her personality is alright (when not teaching - like most teachers). But her teaching has gotten to the point where I would just fkn hate her overall.
Cos of her I spend most of my time brooding over shit I can't do cos I've never been taught it properly at skool. SCHOOL = WHERE YOU LEARN YOUR SHIT. NOT TUTOR. TUTOR = HELP YOU WITH UR CRAP. NOT FKN TEACH. TEACHERS AT SKOOL DO THAT FKN JOB. WE PAY FEES TO BE TAUGHT. NOT TO BE SET A HEAVY LOAD OF HOMEWORK IN WHICH WE CAN'T DO ANYWAYS COS WE NEVER LEARNT IT. OR ARE SOMEHOW JUST THERE FOR US TO MAGICALLY TEACH OURSELVES COS WE'RE SUCH SMART KIDS.

NO.

UNFORTUNATELY WE ARE NOT ALL THAT BRIGHT. fkfkfk.
DON'T FKN GIVE A FK. IM GONNA SIT HERE ON MY HINE ARSE AND WAIT FOR U FKR TO TEACH ME THE SHIT. NOT GONNA GET ANYONE ELSE TO TEACH ME IT UNTIL U FRKN TEACH ME. OK? OK?. fkfkfk, not gonna give u the money for getting other ppl to fkn teach me.

i am very angry.

inevitable nature of hate?

My conscience:

Don't be such a bitch Emily.
Just cos you think you've been there and done that,
doesn't mean you can't still show some sympathy.

Me:

Yeah, I know, but something inside of me just won't forgive.

I should choose..............not to get involved.

please excuse my indecent language.

FUCK.
I'm SO irritated.
And I'm not quite sure what.
It's just an accumulated bunch of thoughts that is pissing the hell out of me.
o-m-f-g.

Busted!

It's funny to know that people sometimes really do ask you for your email for the reason of "having more contacts". Maybe they don't really have the intention of looking more "popular". But merely asking a girl in your class for her email just for the sake of "getting to know her" (which note; in the end takes months to add you, so that when she finally does, you forget who she is) only seems to prove that she just wanted to have that feeling of "knowing a lot of people".
Yes, it just happened to me.

So this chick was in my class last term. And she's in my class this term too.
She added me a while ago - but I never really knew, or probably forgot, what her email was.
Though I distinctinctly remember that she asked me for my email first.
And oddly enough - isn't it the person who adds you, who should approach you on msn first? or at least remeber who you are? Not the other way around?

No, I'm not offended or mad at her at all. lol, it just tells you something about the other person.

{as posted on xanga}

overboard

Not everything is fun and games all the time.
-.-